Somehow, I've been longing to feel the sensation of sore eyes, I've been longing for the awkward side glances from my father, and I've been longing for the teary-eyes embraces supplied by my mother. Each one of them ensued my confession.

It took me twenty minutes of coaxing to finally tell her, but I did not actually say the words. I found no matter how hard I tried, my mouth would not form the words, "Anorexia Nervosa", so I wrote it down instead.

It's just a blur, really; a blur of tears, embraces, and my mother's shaky voice being drowned out by my hysterical sobbing.

And then came the calm, which honestly scares me more than the confession did. I wasn't expected them to accept it so quickly... it's almost surreal. I'm preparing myself for the storm, though I have no idea when exactly it might start to brew overhead.

I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I shall stay on xanga. However, I will be making a new account. I need a fresh start.

They know. I told my mother. It doesn't even seem real to me at all.

I'll write more later.

UGH.
I'm back up to 109.



No more bullshit.
No more bullshit.
No more fucking bullshit.
No more fooling around.

I'm so angry I can't even form coherent paragraphs, which for me is quite unusual. God fucking damn it!

Damn it, I've been tagged.

Ground rules: The first player of this "game" starts with the topic " Five Weird Habits of Yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a xanga entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and list their xanga IDs. Don't forget to leave a comment saying " You Are Tagged" on their xanga and tell them to read yours.

my five weird habits:

1. I eat most of everything in pieces. I guess that's not uncommon with Anorectics, but it's true. My pizza must be eaten with a fork, so I can eat it in smaller pieces. I eat hotdogs with forks... When I eat chips or cookies, I break them up into smaller bits. I've always done it, according to my mother. 

2. I do weird things to amuse myself... for example, I play my adderol pill as if it were a maraca, I talk in fake accents, and I'll give people really weird looks in public to see how they'll react.

3. I used to do baton, cheerleading, softball, basketball, flute, violin, guitar, and soccer. I quit all of them, because that's what I do. I'm a compulsive quitter.

4. I'm in love with a Japanese, cross-dressing, guitar-playing, song-composing, lyric-writing genius whom goes by the name of Mana.

5. I can't throw anything away. To me, everything has sentimental value for some reason.

I tag... HeartShapedTumor, harriettmaibe, extacy_and_ana,  whatisneeded ... aaaand I can't think of one more person. Whomever wants to be tagged, may be tagged.

**Comment below.**

I'm good at being stupid.